Pope Leo XIV’s First Day: Homilies, Humility, and (Probably) a Lot of Espresso
Fresh off his holy promotion from American Cardinal to First U.S. Pope Ever, Pope Leo XIV kicked off his reign with a classic Vatican combo: a solemn Mass, a warning against turning Jesus into a “superman,” and—if tradition holds—an ungodly amount of coffee.
The Homily: Jesus Wasn’t a TED Talk Speaker
Ditching the papal couture for relatively simple white-and-gold robes (because even popes have to ease into the bling), Leo XIV delivered his first sermon in fluent Italian—because nothing says “I’m a global leader” like switching languages mid-pontificate.
His message? Faith isn’t for the weak—it’s for the brave. In a world obsessed with “technology, money, success, power, or pleasure” (read: literally everything modern society worships), he warned against reducing Jesus to just another “charismatic leader” (sorry, megachurch pastors).
“Believers are mocked, opposed, despised, or at best tolerated and pitied,” he said, presumably side-eyeing every smug atheist on Twitter. But hey, that just means more missionary work to do!
Lunch with the Cardinals (Awkward Small Talk Guaranteed)
After Mass, Leo XIV was set to break bread with his fellow American cardinals—because nothing bonds like shared nationality and the collective trauma of electing one of your own to the world’s most stressful job.
Then? A riveting press conference where journalists will definitely ask hard-hitting questions like:
- “Your Holiness, what’s your favorite pizza topping?”
- “How does it feel to be the first American pope?” (Spoiler: Historic, but also terrifying.)
- “Any plans to fix the Vatican WiFi?”
Coming Soon to a Basilica Near You
- Sunday: A balcony appearance at St. Peter’s—because no papacy is complete without a wave-and-bless moment.
- Monday: A press conference where he’ll hopefully drop a meme-worthy soundbite.
- May 18: The big installation Mass, where world leaders will send their “We’re totally happy for you” delegations instead of showing up in person.
- May 21: His first General Audience—aka “Pope Q&A Hour.”
The Takeaway?
Pope Leo XIV’s first day was a mix of deep spiritual warnings and very Vatican logistics. Will he revolutionize the Church? Too soon to tell. But one thing’s certain: Being pope is a way harder gig than being a cardinal.
